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dating,dating advice,did I really do my hair for this?,humor,love,marriage,men,relationships,sex

14 Stages of Comfortable in a Relationship

 

Relationships tend to follow a continuum of comfortableness. One day you’re doing the fake reach for the check after dinner, and the next you’re playing rock, paper, scissors to choose who will make the trip to Chipotle for lunch. Clearly there are other signs that the two of you are getting super close, like going on vacations together and meeting his family, for example. But these are a few funny-because-they’re-true signs that you’ve reached “that point” in your bond. And while every couple’s relationship is different, we think these stages are a pretty good way to gauge the level of closeness you’ve reached—bodily functions and all.

Sending a text without re-reading it six times. Crafting the perfect sentence that is witty, flirty, and has just the right combo of emojis wasexhausting. Now you don’t even care if auto-correct changes “sec” to “sex”.

Ordering what you actually want to eat on a date. Do you look classy eating a burger? Nope. Do you care? Absolutely not. In fact, he enjoys your face in all its ketchup and mustard covered glory. And in return, you let him order that milkshake—even though you know what dairy does to his stomach. Love ain’t always pretty.

He knows about your obsession with Ryan Gosling and you know he might leave you for Hermione Granger, should the opportunity arise. Now if only we could get those two to star in a romantic comedy together. That might be the best porn for couples ever created.

Not caring if they see you without makeup on.  He told you once that he thinks you look beautiful with no makeup on, and you definitely do, so you skip the war paint from time to time. You also skip shaving your legs every single time you see him, but that’s mostly for yourself.

Sleeping at their place and, like, actually sleeping. Adult slumber parties are fun. But what’s even more fun is being fine with catching up on some much-needed, drool-inducing sleep. This is the point where you don’t have to have sex every time one of you stays the night. Sometimessnuggling is just as good (if not better).

Having sex with the lights on. You’re comfortable enough with each other to realize that baring it all in broad daylight is really hot. Not to mention you don’t need any liquid encouragement to drop your inhibitions around them—not even morning breath can slow you down.

Not holding back your ugly cry. Whether you’re breaking down about your post-wedding season bank account or watching The Fault in Our Stars  with him, you’re not afraid of unleashing the epic cry-face. More importantly, he’s not as afraid of seeing it anymore.

Keeping tampons at his place while he keeps his superhero boxers at your place. The jig is up. He knows you get your period and you know he still has a healthy obsession with Batman. Totally fine.

The day he sees your Spanx. It’s time to come clean—it’s not all lacy lingerie all the time.

Having sex on your period…on purpose. You may have had to ease your way into this one, but you’re close enough now to give it a shot (at least once).

Revealing your 7th grade yearbook picture. Despite the braces and mushroom cut, it appears you turned out just fine. If only your middle school self could see your smokin’ hot significant other. She’d be impressed.

Using each other’s toothbrush. If you already lick each other’s faces, are you really preventing the spread of germs by brushing with your finger? You’ll take your chances.

The day he sees your credit card bills—and you see his. If he doesn’t get mad about your shoe budget, you won’t freak out about how much he really spent in Vegas. Truce?

Going to the bathroom with the door open. Some people may never be cool with this, but if you’ve done it you definitely know you’ve reached a whole new level of intimacy—a gross “of course I’ll pop that zit for you” kind of intimacy. But hey, your love is a beautiful thing.

 

advice,dating,dating books,love,relationships,top 5,Uncategorized

5 Lies You Shouldn’t Fall For Twice

 

Perhaps I’m a cynic and wildly jaded. Feel free to disagree with everything I say and continue to naively believe every handsome “gentleman” who crosses your path, but I’ve known enough douchey boys to come to the conclusion that everything a guy ever says is a lie. Well, maybe not everything. When they tell you “I’m really not looking for a girlfriend right now” they probably mean that. But I’ve composed for you the top five most frequently used lies that you shouldn’t fall for twice. More…

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advice,dating,dating advice

Do You Suffer From Chronic Bitch Face?

 

    Chronic bitch face is a debilitating attribute that affects the facial muscles, causing the afflicted to look like a total and complete bitch. This crippling and socially impairing handicap deems a girl guilty of looking pissed off 80 percent of the time. Symptoms include emotionless eyes, fierce eyebrows, and an overall stern appearance. As a woman affected by chronic bitch face, I can personally attest that it is no fun and quite annoying. It’s not that I’m actually constantly angry or irritated–my face just happens to naturally look like that of a total asshole. I’m not talking about a Tyra Banks type of beautiful fierceness, I’m talking about a chronic Grumpy Cat expression. Unless I’m actively smiling or making an effort to not look like I just murdered a family of six, I look like I’m pissed at the world. It sucks, because other than that, I’m a relatively approachable person (after I’ve had my coffee, that is). You know that you also suffer from chronic bitch face if you resonate with the following situations:

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advice,dating,dating advice,dating books,did I really do my hair for this?

8 Things to Never Talk About on a First Date

 

With the new year approaching and that inevitable will I have someone to kiss at midnight dilemma looming; you may be in the market for new romantic prospects. A first date tonight could turn into a second by Saturday. I would like to give you a few “not to do’s” to make first dating as painless as possible. We’ve all been on first dates where some surprising snippet of personal information is dropped into the conversation in a way that is as jarring an earring falling into your soup. And we’ve all done it. You find a sympathetic ear and the next thing you know, you’re pouring your heart out like you’re in a confessional. Way too much information can be shared way too soon, particularly if alcohol is involved. The following is a list of topics that are best to avoid on a first date: More…

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dating,humor,relationships

Flying pigs

 

Hell has frozen over, pigs are flying, the fat lady has finally sung.
Ladies and gentlemen the dating ( but not the disasters) of this single girl has ended.

I’m engaged!
Not in a domestic dispute , but engaged to be married.

It’s true! Maybe he read my last post, but future fiancé is now present and finally got the hint!

I think this is the perfect opportunity to take my writing in a new direction. (Maybe not completely new) I will still be writing about the disasters and hilarious stories that seem to follow me around. However, as I embark on this new chapter of my life; I am going to write about the stress of planning a wedding, or running away and the shit your newlywed friends never tell you until it comes out in couples therapy!
Don’t worry, you will still be getting some blast from the past single girl disasters and I will always stay true with my no nonsense storytelling style!

dating,humor

The Waiting Game

 

Me and the bf have been pretty serious for quite a while now. We are living together, we share kitchen duty, he even refers to himself as my dogs “daddy”. So, naturally we have been easing into the next step of our relationship…getting engaged. He is just easing into it a little slower than I prefer. We have been to look at rings, we’ve discussed locations, he even told his big mouth friend that he’s got the rock! What is the hold up?

Is proposing like jumping out of a plane? The longer you stand at the edge, the bigger rush you get when you finally do jump? Except the girl waiting on the ground below is getting pretty anxious and not any younger might I add. What’s going on up there!

I’m trying not to be to pushy. Although, I have dropped some subtle hints. I let him know why schedule every week as not to interfere with a proposal. I paint my nails in front of him every night and casually mention how “something just seems missing”. Yeah, I know that one isn’t so subtle. But, come on! He’s got the ring, so rip the band aid off and ask already!

If my hints get any more obvious, Ill be wearing a veil to bed. Then he will be heading for the hills and I will be looking for a new future fiancé.

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