If I say, ” Wow, that’s crazy” or “yeah, totally”…. I’m not listening at all.
So, tonight my boyfriend asks, “what the fuck is your problem?” I respond with “wow,crazy.”
He said, ” yeah, totally.” Now I have really screwed myself. Maybe I should start listening a little more.
Read more insightful tips from my relationship experiences in the book, Did I Really Do My Hair For This?
Buy it here!!
I dont usually do this, but after a rather dsturbing conversation with a male friend, I thought I should throw the guys a bone. My male friend took a girl out on two dates and then she invited him to her house for Christmas. She said her family was dying to meet him! Wait a psycho second he thought. How did cocktails and a second date blow job turn into a serious relationship? Sorry fellas, but not all girls are honest and bad ass like me. I prefer to be straight to the point and don’t beat around the bush. Unfortunately, my friend fell victim to the kind of girls I can’t stand. The ones that won’t own what they want and use bass ackwards logic and self demeaning justifications to excuse the behavior they think is inappropriate. If you want to sleep with a guy on the first date, then do it. I may not do it and your mother may be horrified; but who gives a shit what I think and we aren’t living in our mothers generation anymore. I had to explain to my friend the mind manipulation that he was just exposed to. When a girl says she only sleeps with guys that she is in a serious relationship with, then sleeps with said guy after the third or whatever date she is trying to use whore logic. She said she only sleeps with guys she is in a serious relationship with right? So, if the two of you just fucked, congratulations! You just got yourself a girlfriend after 3 dates and some mediocre sex. You slept with her, so you must be in a relationship now right? That’s what it is according to her whore logic. It makes her feel like less of a skank for sleeping with you and she also hopes you’re stupid enough to agree with her. It doesnt end there. If you are stupid enough to fall for it or just that desperate to get laid, you are in for a plethora of mind bending games that this kind of girl will use to make her feel not so bad about herself. For example: If a woman mentions something, even to tell you she is not into it or it’s not going to happen, that means she is at least thinking about it. Nine times out of ten it means that she is going to do it and her saying out loud that she isn’t makes her feel a bit better about herself. Women lie to themselves to justify bad behavior all the time. So, if she says “no way will I ever put that there”! You might still have a chance buddy. She might just be testing the waters to see if you’re on board. So, there ya go. But, be wary! Not all girls use whore logic! If she’s a strong and confident woman, like myself then she probably means want she says. Don’t test her or you may get something shoved up your ass!
Did I Really Do My Hair For This has been out for less than a month and I am already thinking of ideas for the next book! I wrote Did I Really Do My Hair For This to help others laugh at my expense and not feel so bad about their love lives. Everyone has been on a disastrous date that makes them think, “Why the hell did I even waste my time and cute shoes!?” You have read all about my dating disasters and adventures in love (if you havn’t , then I suggest you do now! Buy the book Here). Now I want to hear about yours! Tell me about the worst date you have ever been on. Tell me about the date that made you question your standards and maybe even your sanity! Let it all out and vent about that shit head that never called you! Don’t hold back! You could be included in my next book! I’m thinking of a compilation of real life dating disasters. Post your story as a reply to this blog or email it to email@example.com
Now that I am in a serious and a monogamous relationship, the nature of my posts might change a bit. My level of craziness will not. My boyfriend recently had his wisdom teeth removed and while I was sitting in the waiting room of his dentists office I took it upon myself to use the peace and quiet go through his phone. By peace and quiet I mean not being interrupted by him bounding into the room and ripping my research (I.E. his phone) from my hands. I started at the beginning of the alphabet. Allison, Autumm, Ashley… What the fuck? That was just the A’s. Who actually knows four Caroline’s and 3 Tiffany’s. Apparently, my boyfriend does. We’ve been dating for 6 months. I know he’s not cheating so he doesn’t need all these sluts taking up space in his phones memory. I hesitate before I start to purge 20 or so contacts. I don’t like to be sneaky. I don’t like it but that doesn’t mean I wont do it. Maybe I should ask him about them. They are most likely desperate girls that wouldn’t leave him alone at the bar until he took their number. I know because I was one of those girls. Not one of those desperate girls, because he actually called me. Guys never throw away anything. They certainly don’t evaluate and delete unnecessary phone contacts bi-weekly like I do. But, I know that he”ll get defensive and pissed if I bring it up. Is it wrong to interrogate someone while they are still under the effects of a post op sedative? Propofol could be a useful truth serum. Maybe if Michael Jackson had used it on his doc for that reason instead of for his own insomnia we would still be treated to Thriller live one day. I’ll let it go for now and get my boyfriend a milkshake and baby him back to health. Men are such pussies. It’s getting your wisdom teeth taken out not a kidney transplant! But, he better not be thinking that any of the Tiffany’s will be tending to his dry sockets. Those bitches got deleted!
The holidays are fast approaching and I thought I would dole out some advice to prepare for the season. If you can’t stand the one you’re with then you better kick them to the curb now before Christmas comes. My rule of thumb is to break up before thanksgiving. I had a guy break up with me on thanksgiving and give me a whole hell of alot to be thankful for. Like not having to buy him a Christmas present. If you break up with someone or get dumped during the holidays then I hope you saved the receipt. Or you can do the whole awkward, I wish I wasn’t here but since I spent the money we may as well do the gift exchange. But be careful, because the gift you chose in October to express your love may seem like a slap in the face in December. You might want to give that gift certificate for a couples massage to someone else. If someone dumped me and still gave me the ab roller I asked for I would shove it up their ass. “You really broke up with because you think I’m fat!” So, if you have not dropped off your unwanted romantic baggage by now, then you may have to stick it out til after valentines day. No one wants to be the heartless asshole that broke up with someone during the holidays. But, no one wants to deal with the ex that won’t accept that they are an ex and ruin your holiday plans by getting drunk and showing up at your office Christmas party. If you missed the deadline you can still look on the bright side. You’ll definitely have a date for new years eve.
If he says: “I’ll call you when I get back”: translation is: wherever I’m going I’m not coming back so don’t wait for my call.
“I’ll call you when I’m done”: when I’m done curing cancer or traveling to outer space to service the Russian space station. Might be a while.
“I’ll call you when I get home”: really means; I’m homeless so don’t hold your breath.
“I’ll call you right back”: get a good book cause it’s going to be awhile.
“I’ll call you soon”: soon to him means whenever he remembers your name so u don’t figure out that you are programed as “big tits girl from bar” in his phone.
And then he”ll; nope , this guy isn’t ever going to call.
Stop waiting by the phone. No answer is your answer.