Relationships tend to follow a continuum of comfortableness. One day you’re doing the fake reach for the check after dinner, and the next you’re playing rock, paper, scissors to choose who will make the trip to Chipotle for lunch. Clearly there are other signs that the two of you are getting super close, like going on vacations together and meeting his family, for example. But these are a few funny-because-they’re-true signs that you’ve reached “that point” in your bond. And while every couple’s relationship is different, we think these stages are a pretty good way to gauge the level of closeness you’ve reached—bodily functions and all.
Sending a text without re-reading it six times. Crafting the perfect sentence that is witty, flirty, and has just the right combo of emojis wasexhausting. Now you don’t even care if auto-correct changes “sec” to “sex”.
Ordering what you actually want to eat on a date. Do you look classy eating a burger? Nope. Do you care? Absolutely not. In fact, he enjoys your face in all its ketchup and mustard covered glory. And in return, you let him order that milkshake—even though you know what dairy does to his stomach. Love ain’t always pretty.
He knows about your obsession with Ryan Gosling and you know he might leave you for Hermione Granger, should the opportunity arise. Now if only we could get those two to star in a romantic comedy together. That might be the best porn for couples ever created.
Not caring if they see you without makeup on. He told you once that he thinks you look beautiful with no makeup on, and you definitely do, so you skip the war paint from time to time. You also skip shaving your legs every single time you see him, but that’s mostly for yourself.
Sleeping at their place and, like, actually sleeping. Adult slumber parties are fun. But what’s even more fun is being fine with catching up on some much-needed, drool-inducing sleep. This is the point where you don’t have to have sex every time one of you stays the night. Sometimessnuggling is just as good (if not better).
Having sex with the lights on. You’re comfortable enough with each other to realize that baring it all in broad daylight is really hot. Not to mention you don’t need any liquid encouragement to drop your inhibitions around them—not even morning breath can slow you down.
Not holding back your ugly cry. Whether you’re breaking down about your post-wedding season bank account or watching The Fault in Our Stars with him, you’re not afraid of unleashing the epic cry-face. More importantly, he’s not as afraid of seeing it anymore.
Keeping tampons at his place while he keeps his superhero boxers at your place. The jig is up. He knows you get your period and you know he still has a healthy obsession with Batman. Totally fine.
The day he sees your Spanx. It’s time to come clean—it’s not all lacy lingerie all the time.
Having sex on your period…on purpose. You may have had to ease your way into this one, but you’re close enough now to give it a shot (at least once).
Revealing your 7th grade yearbook picture. Despite the braces and mushroom cut, it appears you turned out just fine. If only your middle school self could see your smokin’ hot significant other. She’d be impressed.
Using each other’s toothbrush. If you already lick each other’s faces, are you really preventing the spread of germs by brushing with your finger? You’ll take your chances.
The day he sees your credit card bills—and you see his. If he doesn’t get mad about your shoe budget, you won’t freak out about how much he really spent in Vegas. Truce?
Going to the bathroom with the door open. Some people may never be cool with this, but if you’ve done it you definitely know you’ve reached a whole new level of intimacy—a gross “of course I’ll pop that zit for you” kind of intimacy. But hey, your love is a beautiful thing.
Perhaps I’m a cynic and wildly jaded. Feel free to disagree with everything I say and continue to naively believe every handsome “gentleman” who crosses your path, but I’ve known enough douchey boys to come to the conclusion that everything a guy ever says is a lie. Well, maybe not everything. When they tell you “I’m really not looking for a girlfriend right now” they probably mean that. But I’ve composed for you the top five most frequently used lies that you shouldn’t fall for twice. More…
Guys, this is the perfect time you can have sex guilt-free. You don’t have to worry about the awkward phone call the next day or the obligation of making sure you don’t hurt her feelings because the girl that does vacation sex right doesn’t want to hear from you after.
If you are able to do this right, you’ll be able to get in, get off, and get out.
……and the NUMBER ONE rule when sexationing:
What are your rules for vacation sex?
Breaking up really is hard to do. Especially when it never ends. I’m not talking about the indecisive, on and off, are we or aren’t we break up. I’m referring to the significant other that just won’t move on.