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advice,dating,dating books,love,relationships,top 5,Uncategorized

5 Lies You Shouldn’t Fall For Twice

 

Perhaps I’m a cynic and wildly jaded. Feel free to disagree with everything I say and continue to naively believe every handsome “gentleman” who crosses your path, but I’ve known enough douchey boys to come to the conclusion that everything a guy ever says is a lie. Well, maybe not everything. When they tell you “I’m really not looking for a girlfriend right now” they probably mean that. But I’ve composed for you the top five most frequently used lies that you shouldn’t fall for twice. More…

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Big Boobs, Big Problems

 

Since puberty, every little girl has dreamed of having a unicorn and big tits. Unfortunately, the former does not exist and the latter exists only in a small percentage of the population. On the upside, you can still acquire them with a little bit of money (or a lot of KFC). Whether these assets are obtained naturally, financially, or through gluttony, every girl soon finds out that having big boobs isn’t all it’s cracked out to be. Although they create glorious curves and have the ability to reduce the IQ of any man, they still have their problems. Here are the biggest problems that the biggest boobs face. More…

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10 Things You Are Doing To Turn Him Off

 

Ladies, it’s that time of the year again. V-Day is coming, love is in the air, and we are more desperate than ever to find that ONE guy to watch Netflix and have lazy, “It’s been a week since I shaved but whatever” sex with. Nowadays, it’s not that hard to find a guy. With push-up bras, vodka cranberries and the whole Facebook/Instagram/Twitter world, it’s pretty damn easy to land a guy. BUT this is where we, for lack of a better expression, piss the bed. A guy starts talking to us, we have drunken hookups and then he just stops. Stops talking to us. Stops calling us. Stops texting us.

HOW DARE HE STOP TALKING TO ME?!
I’M COOL!
I’M FUN!
I’M AWESOME!
What went wrong?!
Well my lady friends, I’ll tell you. YOU’RE ANNOYING.

And take it from me, I have been that girl. I was you! I was the constantly call, text, Facebook post and text threatening that “you better answer or I will keep texting”! annoying / borderline psycho.

So, I’m going to give you some easy steps to (pretend to) be as cool as you’d like to seem. More…

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Eavesdropping

 

I was recently visiting my family in Southern California (the O.C. to be exact) and overheard some women my age chatting over their morning flax seed and lemon water in a local Starbucks. I only wish I had a tape recorder with me so I could post everything I overheard just as it was said. Here are a few gems that stuck with me:
-”How much did your wedding planner cost”
-”I can’t eat that, I’ve already hit 900 calories today”
- “Have you seen the latest photos from my boudoir shoot?”
- “OMG! She  is so entitled! Oh, she’s on the way here?”
Apparently, “entitled”  is the new stuck up, fake bitch.
- ” I think something is wrong w my thyroid. I hear the medicine makes you lose weight”
-” I hate LA”
-” I hate Riverside”
- “But Santa Monica is OK. “
-”OMG! Post that on Instagram “
- “OMG! Real housewives of Beverly Hills is on! “
I love So Cal, but a short visit every now and then makes me realize how much I have changed. I have been called alot of things in my short life, but fake has never been one of them.
As an extra bonus and to pay homage to me current home in the South; here is a little video my friend sent me:

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From Party Bus To Potty Train

 

I was in a reminiscent mood the other day and started going through old emails, photos on Facebook, and any other photo albums I had. I was having a good laugh..old invites to parties, happy hours, party buses, you name it. Photos of us dancing around without a care in the world.

While feeling reminiscent, I noticed some of my old invites to parties were now being replaced with invites to baby showers and weddings. Photos of my girlfriends dancing like it was their job, were now replaced with photos of their kids, their wedding rings..basically all things…. “not single”.
Well where the fuck have I been??..and where was my warning that I would  go from getting invites to a party of the year, to a 1 year olds birthday party?! I started to break a sweat. Looking at my friends, it hit me,more and more are getting married, having kids…or both!


Everybody’s Changing and I Don’t Feel The Same
I’m having a hard time understanding how girlfriends that are my age, are transitioning from “I” to “We” and….quickly!

It’s like I was once surrounded by singles, we flourished! Now however,  in the group of people that I know…”The Single” is becoming extinct…. it’s just marriage lock downs, and babies,babies, babies.
Girlfriends are moving forward with their version of happiness and I’m still in mine. It’s not that I’m not happy for them but I guess I don’t understand it..good thing is,maybe I don’t have to.
See, I’m not really afraid of marriage and children. I want those things… it’s just that I’m afraid of what comes after that.

Growing up what I saw in women with families, was them losing themselves completely… and once they are married, they don’t even go out anymore! I grew up essentially being taught that once you get married and have children, your life is over..and sadly that is still being reinforced because I have seen some of my girlfriends simply disappear because they get married and or have children. Their conversations go from anything worldly to who’s kids are cuter, and how great it is that little Johnny took a shit on his own.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that conversation?

I don’t know if I’m more afraid of the fact that I may lose my girlfriends because we will have less in common, that it seems like so many are transitioning to this next stage and it seems to be rather too quickly, or that when I get to this stage, I may lose myself and become one of those women who drive the soccer mom mini van accompanied by the soccer mom haircut. Can I not keep my sexy single side when I get married and have children?That is an honest and true fear of mine…that when it comes time get married, have children or as I like to call it transitioning to “The Dark Side”, I’m going to resist the force. That, or become completely consumed in it that I’ll look back at old photos of myself and cry myself to sleep because “Mommy used to be hot.” Who knows..they say things change once you have your own kids and when you meet the right guy, all of that falls into place? Well,I have a long way to go before then, but when I do get there, I’m keeping hope alive. I do know some women (maybe 1 or 2) that know how to keep that balance. They are great Moms yet know how not to lose themselves and know how to keep that vibrant sexy thing that makes a woman, a woman, before she is a Mother.. I know it’s ultimately up to me to not lose myself. Here’s hoping…
I may not understand how you got to where you are in your life, but just because I’m not that stage in mine, doesn’t mean I can’t be there to support you. I’ll be there. Always will….
Not because I have to but if I am your friend and you care enough about our friendship that you want to invite me to your baby showers, and weddings, I’ll be there.

Ok, I’m lying….I’ll be there because as a friend I know I have to be, doesn’t mean I have to like it…right now anyway:) I know I’ll find the balance when I need to, but for now, I don’t find the need to trade in my beer for baby bonnets and bassinets.

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French Kiss

 

In honor of the French invasion via The Oscars last night;  I wanted to share a post from one of my have blogs,   The Love Consultants.
What’s hotter to you a man who speaks French or can simply French kiss?
In the age-old battle of bigger vs. better and brains vs. brawn, score one for better and smarter. smart USA and Harris Interactive today released results from a survey  that found Americans deeply value smarts over looks and hold the belief that less, not more, is more.  The survey, which was conducted online in December among more than 2,000 Americans aged 18 and older, found that for all the talk about reality television and celebrities behaving badly, the majority of Americans (88%) — both young and old, male and female — would prefer to date a person who is intelligent and philanthropic like George Clooney or Reese Witherspoon, over someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez.
The smart USA survey also found that: 
  • Nearly 7 out of 10 (69%) Americans would prefer their spouse to speak another language than have washboard abs
  • Almost 3 in 5 (59%) Americans would rather have their partner gain 20 I.Q. points than lose 20 pounds
  • An astonishing 95% of women and 80% of men would prefer to date someone who is smart and philanthropic like Reese Witherspoon or George Clooney than someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez 
While the last decade is often seen as a period of gluttonous consumption, McMansions, and Super-Size meals, the old adage that less is more seems to be ringing true in today’s post-recession era .  The survey found that three out of four Americans prefer to receive a present in a small package over a large one. Those who thought bigger was better tended to be young, a preference that shrinks as people get older and wiser (34% of Americans age 18-34 preferred bigger presents compared to 22% of those age 45-54 and 17% of those age 55+). 
Overall, on the subject of preferring less over more: 
  • 97% of Americans believe that at least some of the items in their household are junk (i.e., they could easily get rid of it)
  • Nearly one out of 10 (9%)  Americans believe they can part with a full half of their stuff
  • 9% of Americans believe that 51-100% of the items in their household are junk, indicating that the supposed American obsession with size and quantity is overstated 
“The fact that a majority of Americans are deeply concerned with right-sizing their lifestyles and making intelligent choices shows why smart has so much curb appeal today,” says smart USA General Manager Tracey Matura. “People are rethinking whether bigger is actually better and focusing instead on value. They’re looking at how they can cut down the clutter in their lives, whether in their choice of vehicle, home or other purchases, so they have fewer, better things rather than simply more, more, more. And smart is proof that good things do come in small packages.” 

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