46211582

Uncategorized

Big Boobs, Big Problems

 

Since puberty, every little girl has dreamed of having a unicorn and big tits. Unfortunately, the former does not exist and the latter exists only in a small percentage of the population. On the upside, you can still acquire them with a little bit of money (or a lot of KFC). Whether these assets are obtained naturally, financially, or through gluttony, every girl soon finds out that having big boobs isn’t all it’s cracked out to be. Although they create glorious curves and have the ability to reduce the IQ of any man, they still have their problems. Here are the biggest problems that the biggest boobs face. More…

, , , ,

advice,dating,dating advice

Do You Suffer From Chronic Bitch Face?

 

    Chronic bitch face is a debilitating attribute that affects the facial muscles, causing the afflicted to look like a total and complete bitch. This crippling and socially impairing handicap deems a girl guilty of looking pissed off 80 percent of the time. Symptoms include emotionless eyes, fierce eyebrows, and an overall stern appearance. As a woman affected by chronic bitch face, I can personally attest that it is no fun and quite annoying. It’s not that I’m actually constantly angry or irritated–my face just happens to naturally look like that of a total asshole. I’m not talking about a Tyra Banks type of beautiful fierceness, I’m talking about a chronic Grumpy Cat expression. Unless I’m actively smiling or making an effort to not look like I just murdered a family of six, I look like I’m pissed at the world. It sucks, because other than that, I’m a relatively approachable person (after I’ve had my coffee, that is). You know that you also suffer from chronic bitch face if you resonate with the following situations:

More…

, , ,

Uncategorized

10 Things You Are Doing To Turn Him Off

 

Ladies, it’s that time of the year again. V-Day is coming, love is in the air, and we are more desperate than ever to find that ONE guy to watch Netflix and have lazy, “It’s been a week since I shaved but whatever” sex with. Nowadays, it’s not that hard to find a guy. With push-up bras, vodka cranberries and the whole Facebook/Instagram/Twitter world, it’s pretty damn easy to land a guy. BUT this is where we, for lack of a better expression, piss the bed. A guy starts talking to us, we have drunken hookups and then he just stops. Stops talking to us. Stops calling us. Stops texting us.

HOW DARE HE STOP TALKING TO ME?!
I’M COOL!
I’M FUN!
I’M AWESOME!
What went wrong?!
Well my lady friends, I’ll tell you. YOU’RE ANNOYING.

And take it from me, I have been that girl. I was you! I was the constantly call, text, Facebook post and text threatening that “you better answer or I will keep texting”! annoying / borderline psycho.

So, I’m going to give you some easy steps to (pretend to) be as cool as you’d like to seem. More…

, ,

advice,dating,dating advice,dating books,did I really do my hair for this?

8 Things to Never Talk About on a First Date

 

With the new year approaching and that inevitable will I have someone to kiss at midnight dilemma looming; you may be in the market for new romantic prospects. A first date tonight could turn into a second by Saturday. I would like to give you a few “not to do’s” to make first dating as painless as possible. We’ve all been on first dates where some surprising snippet of personal information is dropped into the conversation in a way that is as jarring an earring falling into your soup. And we’ve all done it. You find a sympathetic ear and the next thing you know, you’re pouring your heart out like you’re in a confessional. Way too much information can be shared way too soon, particularly if alcohol is involved. The following is a list of topics that are best to avoid on a first date: More…

, , ,

advice,did I really do my hair for this?

The Story That Started It All

 

In light of my recent nuptials, I thought I would reminisce a little with my readers. Here is a flashback to the disastrous date that sparked this blog and the subsequent book, Did I Really Do My Hair For This?

                                          Did I Really Do My Hair For This? ( the original post)

More…

dating,humor,relationships

Flying pigs

 

Hell has frozen over, pigs are flying, the fat lady has finally sung.
Ladies and gentlemen the dating ( but not the disasters) of this single girl has ended.

I’m engaged!
Not in a domestic dispute , but engaged to be married.

It’s true! Maybe he read my last post, but future fiancé is now present and finally got the hint!

I think this is the perfect opportunity to take my writing in a new direction. (Maybe not completely new) I will still be writing about the disasters and hilarious stories that seem to follow me around. However, as I embark on this new chapter of my life; I am going to write about the stress of planning a wedding, or running away and the shit your newlywed friends never tell you until it comes out in couples therapy!
Don’t worry, you will still be getting some blast from the past single girl disasters and I will always stay true with my no nonsense storytelling style!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: