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dating,humor

The Waiting Game

 

Me and the bf have been pretty serious for quite a while now. We are living together, we share kitchen duty, he even refers to himself as my dogs “daddy”. So, naturally we have been easing into the next step of our relationship…getting engaged. He is just easing into it a little slower than I prefer. We have been to look at rings, we’ve discussed locations, he even told his big mouth friend that he’s got the rock! What is the hold up?

Is proposing like jumping out of a plane? The longer you stand at the edge, the bigger rush you get when you finally do jump? Except the girl waiting on the ground below is getting pretty anxious and not any younger might I add. What’s going on up there!

I’m trying not to be to pushy. Although, I have dropped some subtle hints. I let him know why schedule every week as not to interfere with a proposal. I paint my nails in front of him every night and casually mention how “something just seems missing”. Yeah, I know that one isn’t so subtle. But, come on! He’s got the ring, so rip the band aid off and ask already!

If my hints get any more obvious, Ill be wearing a veil to bed. Then he will be heading for the hills and I will be looking for a new future fiancé.

advice,love,relationship advice,relationships

Adventures in Vacation Sex

 

As the weather turns colder, our hormones heat up. Everyone is fleeing the Wintertime blues and taking post holiday vacations. You are yearning to lose the layers and it has many of us wanting to do more, especially girls. They are sluttin’ it up on vacation…and it’s OK!
You go on vacation for some rest and relaxation.   It’s probably a time you don’t care about calories, you plan to spend your days with tons of drinks and a lot of recuperation.  Sex should definitely be on the menu because there is nothing like getting back to reality, with a glow on your skin and a smile on your face! 
Ladies, it is of the utmost importance to always act like a lady…except when you’re on vacation.   Girls, this is the one time you are allowed to act less than ladylike.  You are always hearing about how no matter what you do, there is always a double standard in sex and sure you’d like to act like guys do, but it doesn’t seem to work out for you.  Well, here’s your chance.  If you are down….to get down, you can go on vacation and release your so-called “inner slut” and not worry about judgement because chances are (and you want this) you won’t be seeing him again.

Guys, this is the perfect time you can have sex guilt-free.  You don’t have to worry about the awkward phone call the next day or the obligation of making sure you don’t hurt her feelings because the girl that does vacation sex right doesn’t want to hear from you after.
If you are able to do this right, you’ll be able to get in, get off, and get out.

So, hey girl, single or attached and you feel like you want to jump into the sex pool?  Here are some simple rules if you are thinking of taking a dip on your trip .

  • Have a plan. Like a military mission, if you are with a group or even just another girlfriend, make sure they understand the plan and stick to it.  Maybe have some code words, hand gestures, whatever, just make sure you are always on the same page as your party or it might ruin your chances of a mission accomplished.
  • Once you find a guy you want to hook up with, make eye contact, flirt, then quickly find out if he’s available and make your move.
  • Keep to small talk.  You don’t need to know how many brothers and sisters he has.  You don’t care.  The only thing you care about is if  he’s aware you are about to take what you want – no prisoners!
  • Once you get yours. Get up, do not nap.  Put your clothes on, move, quickly out.  If you don’t, you are leaving the door open to unwanted things like dreaded conversation.
  • NO sleeping over, or cuddling for that matter.  Refer to bullet point 1* Have a plan*(*You don’t want to get into a situation where you are hooking up with one person and your friend is hooking up with the other and they decide for the both of you, you will stay there.  Make sure whoever is with you and wants to participate knows the plan!) -Ladies, we can be suckers for a cuddle sesh, DON’T DO IT.  It’s better this way.  You don’t have to worry about hearing him snore, no need to make him a sandwich after.  You get to go back to your comfy bed.
  • Do not exchange information. -No phone numbers, what do you have to talk about?  You don’t even need to know his name really.  No Facebook info, or Twitter info, or anything like that.  Keep it simple and off the social media radar (All relationships should be kept off the social media radar anyway) -You don’t need to hook up with them again.  You move on to someone else.  It’s vacation, you WILL find someone else to hook up with.  No recycling hook-ups, got it?
  • Do not get caught up in the moment beyond sex.  You may be vacationing in a romantic place.  You are walking along the beach on the way back to a guys hotel room and the light from the moon (probably along with some strong beer goggles) starts to make your hook up look like your future baby daddy.  You will think you are falling in love.  You.are.not. OK?  You’ve seen the Bachelorette.  Sure, on vacation, it’s easy to fall in love.  It’s when they get back to the real world that they realize it’s not all roses and rainbows.  Not to say love can’t happen on vacation but more than likely, it won’t.  It falls along the same lines as meeting the love of your life at the bar.  You certainly can, but you probably won’t.

        ……and the NUMBER ONE rule when sexationing:

  • BE SAFE!  Girls make sure you are carrying protection.  Do not depend on the guy to do it.  Show him you mean business by being prepared.  The last thing you need is returning home and finding you’ve brought any unwanted souvenirs such as unwanted rugrats or STDs!

What are your rules for vacation sex?

advice,did I really do my hair for this?

The Ultimate Survival Guide

 

We lived another day and the Mayans were wrong. Now you have to worry about fielding the “when are you going to settle down?” and “are you sure you aren’t a lesbian?” questions from your relatives at Christmas dinner.  Maybe you want this holiday season to be your last as a single girl or you just want to find a quick bang for New Years Eve!

Our friends at The Date Report blog have compiled the ultimate survival guide to dating and relationships during the holidays. It includes everything from
Ways to Get Back Into the Dating Scene This Holiday Season to
 New Year’s Eve: Good First Date or Bad First Date?

Check it out HERE !

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

S.

Uncategorized

Eavesdropping

 

I was recently visiting my family in Southern California (the O.C. to be exact) and overheard some women my age chatting over their morning flax seed and lemon water in a local Starbucks. I only wish I had a tape recorder with me so I could post everything I overheard just as it was said. Here are a few gems that stuck with me:
-”How much did your wedding planner cost”
-”I can’t eat that, I’ve already hit 900 calories today”
- “Have you seen the latest photos from my boudoir shoot?”
- “OMG! She  is so entitled! Oh, she’s on the way here?”
Apparently, “entitled”  is the new stuck up, fake bitch.
- ” I think something is wrong w my thyroid. I hear the medicine makes you lose weight”
-” I hate LA”
-” I hate Riverside”
- “But Santa Monica is OK. “
-”OMG! Post that on Instagram “
- “OMG! Real housewives of Beverly Hills is on! “
I love So Cal, but a short visit every now and then makes me realize how much I have changed. I have been called alot of things in my short life, but fake has never been one of them.
As an extra bonus and to pay homage to me current home in the South; here is a little video my friend sent me:

did I really do my hair for this?,love,relationships

Cooking up an apology

 

And this is what a serious relationship looks like…..

love,relationships,sex

Taking Off the Training Wheels

 

     Breaking up really is hard to do. Especially when it never ends. I’m not talking about the indecisive, on and off, are we or aren’t we break up. I’m referring to the significant other that just won’t move on.

    Giving them “space” or  “taking a break” doesn’t mean there is a waves crashing, passion clutching reconciliation in the near future. “Taking a break” is the training wheels of breaking up. It’s that you say to ease someone into the  it’s over for good, lose my number and get the fuck out for good break up. You have to let them coast a little before letting go of the handle bars. No one wants to be blame for their ex’s late night, booze filled crash and burn.
     If subtly isn’t your game (it sure isn’t mine) then here a few things to assure they won’t be calling and begging you to take them back:
1. Have your new boyfriend/girlfriend break up with them for you. 
2. Scoreboard dumping. Ever see those people who propose on the big screens at basketball games?
3. Attach your positive STD results to your Dear John letter.
4. Show him your friends sonogram, forget to mention it’s your friends.
5. Leave the country and send them an email in another language that they need to get a translator to  decipher. (I guess you don’t really have to leave the country, but I love a flair for the dramatics)
6. Send them on a day long treasure hunt… the end price is a one way ticket to singledom!
7. Confess to murder and try to frame them for the crime.
8. If your soon to be ex is considerably younger than you, tell them you are there real biological parent.
9. Hide their dog and tell them you didn’t see it behind that tire. (Don’t really run over the dog!)
10. My favorite….make them so miserable, they dump you. 

 For more, download  Did I Really Do My Hair For This?

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