Every single guy I know masturbates. I’ve heard there are women out there who don’t. They are probably quite uptight and rigid…It’s just not healthy if you ask me. I understand if you are in a relationship and don’t masturbate……Ok, I’m lying, no I don’t. I believe in a relationship you should still as well.
Answer to the Problems of Our Nation? Masturbation
It’s relatively simple. The act of sex, masturbation included of course, is the ultimate stress reliever.
Depressed? Masturbate. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Having a GREAT day already? Masturbate to celebrate.
Ladies, having a bad day but have no time to relax? When you get good at masturbation, it is entirely possible to have a quick masturbation session in about 60-90 seconds. Once you “handle yourself”..I guarantee your day will go a lot smoother!
We would have LESS war if everyone masturbated!! You feel too good after to want to kill anyone..if anything, you probably just want to chill out for a bit.
“I am in a Relationship, I don’t need to do that.”
Yes. You. Do.
Masturbation is healthy, even in a relationship because it can show you what feels good and what gets you to respond, then you can show your partner. Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship and you have a problem with premature ejaculation…masturbation can help with that.
In a relationship..it only ever really becomes a problem when you’d rather masturbate, than be with your partner…ever.
If you are single, then it doesn’t get any more safe! You don’t have to worry about STD’s and there is no worry about your partner disappointing you in bed.
Overall, solo sex is just…S.M.A.R.T.
Start the Revolution!
So, I believe it’s time to change things up. Not just dedicate a month, but start a revolution. ….and name it “Masturbation Nation”….who’s with me?!
We could change the World! Everyone would be a lot more peaceful!
How do we do this? It’s simple. Educate those around you, make them more aware of themselves. Maybe even have stickers to pass out that say: “Have you masturbated today?” It’s for the greater good! We can wear t-shirts, have rallies..you know, spread education:)
Ok, so I may have gone off on a tangent… just a tiny bit…but I hope you understand what I’m saying. YOU are beautiful. YOU are sexy…and YOU deserve to treat yourself well…LOVE yourself enough to not be afraid of what the physical act of “loving yourself” will do to your image in your eyes or in the eyes of anyone else.
Be happy, be healthy, masturbate:)
While feeling reminiscent, I noticed some of my old invites to parties were now being replaced with invites to baby showers and weddings. Photos of my girlfriends dancing like it was their job, were now replaced with photos of their kids, their wedding rings..basically all things…. “not single”.
Well where the fuck have I been??..and where was my warning that I would go from getting invites to a party of the year, to a 1 year olds birthday party?! I started to break a sweat. Looking at my friends, it hit me,more and more are getting married, having kids…or both!
Everybody’s Changing and I Don’t Feel The Same
I’m having a hard time understanding how girlfriends that are my age, are transitioning from “I” to “We” and….quickly!
It’s like I was once surrounded by singles, we flourished! Now however, in the group of people that I know…”The Single” is becoming extinct…. it’s just marriage lock downs, and babies,babies, babies.
Girlfriends are moving forward with their version of happiness and I’m still in mine. It’s not that I’m not happy for them but I guess I don’t understand it..good thing is,maybe I don’t have to.
See, I’m not really afraid of marriage and children. I want those things… it’s just that I’m afraid of what comes after that.
Growing up what I saw in women with families, was them losing themselves completely… and once they are married, they don’t even go out anymore! I grew up essentially being taught that once you get married and have children, your life is over..and sadly that is still being reinforced because I have seen some of my girlfriends simply disappear because they get married and or have children. Their conversations go from anything worldly to who’s kids are cuter, and how great it is that little Johnny took a shit on his own.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that conversation?
I don’t know if I’m more afraid of the fact that I may lose my girlfriends because we will have less in common, that it seems like so many are transitioning to this next stage and it seems to be rather too quickly, or that when I get to this stage, I may lose myself and become one of those women who drive the soccer mom mini van accompanied by the soccer mom haircut. Can I not keep my sexy single side when I get married and have children?That is an honest and true fear of mine…that when it comes time get married, have children or as I like to call it transitioning to “The Dark Side”, I’m going to resist the force. That, or become completely consumed in it that I’ll look back at old photos of myself and cry myself to sleep because “Mommy used to be hot.” Who knows..they say things change once you have your own kids and when you meet the right guy, all of that falls into place? Well,I have a long way to go before then, but when I do get there, I’m keeping hope alive. I do know some women (maybe 1 or 2) that know how to keep that balance. They are great Moms yet know how not to lose themselves and know how to keep that vibrant sexy thing that makes a woman, a woman, before she is a Mother.. I know it’s ultimately up to me to not lose myself. Here’s hoping…
I may not understand how you got to where you are in your life, but just because I’m not that stage in mine, doesn’t mean I can’t be there to support you. I’ll be there. Always will….
Not because I have to but if I am your friend and you care enough about our friendship that you want to invite me to your baby showers, and weddings, I’ll be there.
Ok, I’m lying….I’ll be there because as a friend I know I have to be, doesn’t mean I have to like it…right now anyway:) I know I’ll find the balance when I need to, but for now, I don’t find the need to trade in my beer for baby bonnets and bassinets.
A girlfriend of mine passed this story along to me. It is hilarious because it couldn’t be more true…This is a perfect example of how women can over-analyze conversations. I suggest reading this each time you start to let your brain make you go crazy.
Differences Between Men and Women
Here it is nicely illustrated:
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ”Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Wow, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Damn. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let’s see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90- day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a
Knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a goddamn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their……
”Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger, startled.
”Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ”Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so……” (She breaks down, sobbing.)
”What?” says Roger.
”I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. ”I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
”There’s no horse?” says Roger.
”You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
”No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
”It’s just that . . . It’s that I . . . I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
”Yes,” he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
”Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.
”What way?” says Roger.
“That way about time,” says Elaine.
”Oh,” says Roger. ”Yes.”
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
”Thank you, Roger,” she says.
”Thank you,” says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ”Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
If I say, ” Wow, that’s crazy” or “yeah, totally”…. I’m not listening at all.
So, tonight my boyfriend asks, “what the fuck is your problem?” I respond with “wow,crazy.”
He said, ” yeah, totally.” Now I have really screwed myself. Maybe I should start listening a little more.
Read more insightful tips from my relationship experiences in the book, Did I Really Do My Hair For This?
Buy it here!!