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advice,love,men,relationship advice,relationships,sex

Battle of the Sexes

 

In war, there is typically a victor but when it comes to the battle of sexes, is there? I was in deep thought the other day realizing how far we have come as women, and yet in certain areas, we are still not equal, and still have yet to be victorious. When it comes to equality with the sexes, particularly in sex, do we raise the white flag or continue to battle?

The Women’s Movement
It’s pretty simple, we’ve managed to make our mark in society. We run businesses, we run for office, have fought for equal pay… in short, our proverbial dicks in many aspects have become bigger than a lot of men’s.
So why when it comes to the area of sex why is there still a double standard?
This, along with other topics in the dating world can often stir up serious controversy and at the end of what can even become a shouting match,the only real end to this debate may be to agree to disagree.
I honestly think the fight to be equal in that sense may be futile, and for more than one reason.

A guy sleeps around he’s a player, a girl sleeps around, she’s a ho.
Ahhh this dreaded double standard.
I don’t think a woman should be judged for sleeping around but this is such a complex issue because there are many variables.  For one, because woman are so complex, when it comes to what we will accept and then expect, there often times is no real compromise, thus setting the Women’s Movement…way back.
It’s tricky because we want to be able to sleep around and still be treated like ladies. I don’t see anything wrong with that..but how realistic is this?
It seems as time has passed, women have become less traditional, yet expecting men to remain traditional, oh but only in certain areas, and they need to know what those areas are right?
Wrong. Why is that ok? I believe in this area, we should just let the sexes be. In a world where we want gentlemen to remain gentlemanly, is it wrong to skew the perception of what a lady is to a man?  We, as women, have worked so hard to be equal in society, yet we still want certain things from a man. Do we honestly have the right to draw a line on our progression? Do we have the right to put pressure on men and have them have to know where we want to be independent and where we don’t?
Granted, there are no “rules” and what is acceptable to one may not be acceptable to another. I know it depends on the individual.  As an example there are men out there that are ok with women that have been around the block a few times. It comes down to not judging their past.
My point is that we do not have the right to impose such standards on men. We believe if the guy asks us out, he should pay, he should be chivalrous, and well, a gentleman and then expect them, then, not to turn around and have certain expectations of us? No, not fair.
So if we could get past what is expected or not expected of us, and be what men would like ladies to be (whatever that version is)…do we we finally win the battle? No, because there is a much bigger enemy out there, and ladies, that enemy, is much closer to you than you think…..

“Slut! Ho bag! Bitch!”
And let’s not forget the ever so endearing “C U NEXT TUESDAY”.  All simple yet effective words…kind of like a handshake. Saying that to a girl or doing what many women do and saying it ABOUT a girl gets your point across.  We all, myself included, in the midst of anger, have been guilty of taking that cheap shot by calling another female a name orseven two.
Ladies, when it comes to the battle of the sexes, I hate to break it to you, but WE may just be our own worst enemy….. We may in fact be the reason there are still double standards!
Why? Because we have TWO things working against us. Men pitting women against each other and wait for it…WOMEN PITTING WOMEN AGAINST EACH OTHER! *Gasp* I know hard to believe but it’s true.
Truth be told, men don’t gossip like we do. Therefore, a man will not spend hours discussing some guy he knows who banged everyone in town. Girls on the other hand well….
A man doesn’t have to work half as hard to get a girl talked about, because we are too busy doing it to each other. Ladies, I don’t know about you but I don’t like being called a bitch or hearing that we “cat fight.” So annoying. Stop.This.Now. Seriously…
We make it too easy for men. We spend our time putting down other women when our sole focus should be lifting eachother up!
Instead, we can fill our days with tearing each other down with our jealousy over the guy she stole, or how many guys she’s been with, or…just anything. Seems girls will find ANY reason to talk and a lot of  the time, it’s not good….
All the name calling and “cattiness” a lot of times comes back to sex, and when it comes to double standards, we may be the ultimate demise to our progression in this area.

Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes.  There’s just too much fraternizing with the enemy.  ~Henry Kissinger

Exactly ladies, we get so caught up with the other sex that we don’t always see what we are doing to our own.
If we are to make real progress in this area of the battle with  the sexes and the double standard start with YOURSELF. Treasure yourself. I don’t see the name calling and finger pointing to stop anytime soon but it can stop with you. People may talk about you but try not talking negatively about other women.  Spend less time gossiping about your idea of the “town tramp” and focus on lifting other women up! We have to realize that even though the pressure to be great and be ladies is a lot, it’s because we SHOULD be held to higher standards. Men may expect more from us as ladies because we are, simply put, the superior being;)
In case you aren’t sure why we are the superior being, it’s because we have something men don’t…vaginas. Fabulous vaginas, and with that, as I always say, we can rule the world.
So will the battle of the sexes ever really be won? Will there ever be a time where there are no double standards? Sadly just like the question: ”How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?” The world may never know

men,relationship advice,relationships,sex

Masturbation Nation

 

I just discovered that May is “Masturbation Month”… this makes me sad. Why? Because I believe there should be more than a month dedicated to it. I

Every single guy I know masturbates.  I’ve heard there are women out there who don’t.  They are probably quite uptight and rigid…It’s just not healthy if you ask me.  I understand if you are in a relationship and don’t masturbate……Ok, I’m lying, no I don’t. I believe in a relationship you should still as well.
Answer to the Problems of Our Nation? Masturbation
It’s relatively simple. The act of sex, masturbation included of course, is the ultimate stress reliever.
Depressed? Masturbate. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Having a GREAT day already? Masturbate to celebrate.
Ladies, having a bad day but have no time to relax? When you get good at masturbation, it is entirely possible to have a quick masturbation session in about 60-90 seconds.  Once you “handle yourself”..I guarantee your day will go a lot smoother!
We would have LESS war if everyone masturbated!!  You feel too good after to want to kill anyone..if anything, you probably just want to chill out for a bit.
“I am in a Relationship, I don’t need to do that.”
Yes. You. Do.
Masturbation is healthy, even in a relationship because it can show you what feels good and what gets you to respond, then you can show your partner. Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship and you have a problem with premature ejaculation…masturbation can help with that.
In a relationship..it only ever really becomes a problem when you’d rather masturbate, than be with your partner…ever.
If you are single, then it doesn’t get any more safe! You don’t have to worry about STD’s and there is no worry about your partner disappointing you in bed.
Overall, solo sex is just…S.M.A.R.T.
S elf
M asturbators
A re
R eally
T errific
Start the Revolution!
So, I believe it’s time to change things up. Not just dedicate a month, but start a revolution. ….and name it “Masturbation Nation”….who’s with me?!
We could change the World! Everyone would be a lot more peaceful!
How do we do this? It’s simple. Educate those around you, make them more aware of themselves.  Maybe even have stickers to pass out that say: “Have you masturbated today?” It’s for the greater good! We can wear t-shirts, have rallies..you know, spread education:)
Ok, so I may have gone off on a tangent… just a tiny bit…but I hope you understand what I’m saying. YOU are beautiful. YOU are sexy…and YOU deserve to treat yourself well…LOVE yourself enough to not be afraid of what the physical act of “loving yourself” will do to your image in your eyes or in the eyes of anyone else.
Be happy, be healthy, masturbate:)

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From Party Bus To Potty Train

 

I was in a reminiscent mood the other day and started going through old emails, photos on Facebook, and any other photo albums I had. I was having a good laugh..old invites to parties, happy hours, party buses, you name it. Photos of us dancing around without a care in the world.

While feeling reminiscent, I noticed some of my old invites to parties were now being replaced with invites to baby showers and weddings. Photos of my girlfriends dancing like it was their job, were now replaced with photos of their kids, their wedding rings..basically all things…. “not single”.
Well where the fuck have I been??..and where was my warning that I would  go from getting invites to a party of the year, to a 1 year olds birthday party?! I started to break a sweat. Looking at my friends, it hit me,more and more are getting married, having kids…or both!


Everybody’s Changing and I Don’t Feel The Same
I’m having a hard time understanding how girlfriends that are my age, are transitioning from “I” to “We” and….quickly!

It’s like I was once surrounded by singles, we flourished! Now however,  in the group of people that I know…”The Single” is becoming extinct…. it’s just marriage lock downs, and babies,babies, babies.
Girlfriends are moving forward with their version of happiness and I’m still in mine. It’s not that I’m not happy for them but I guess I don’t understand it..good thing is,maybe I don’t have to.
See, I’m not really afraid of marriage and children. I want those things… it’s just that I’m afraid of what comes after that.

Growing up what I saw in women with families, was them losing themselves completely… and once they are married, they don’t even go out anymore! I grew up essentially being taught that once you get married and have children, your life is over..and sadly that is still being reinforced because I have seen some of my girlfriends simply disappear because they get married and or have children. Their conversations go from anything worldly to who’s kids are cuter, and how great it is that little Johnny took a shit on his own.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that conversation?

I don’t know if I’m more afraid of the fact that I may lose my girlfriends because we will have less in common, that it seems like so many are transitioning to this next stage and it seems to be rather too quickly, or that when I get to this stage, I may lose myself and become one of those women who drive the soccer mom mini van accompanied by the soccer mom haircut. Can I not keep my sexy single side when I get married and have children?That is an honest and true fear of mine…that when it comes time get married, have children or as I like to call it transitioning to “The Dark Side”, I’m going to resist the force. That, or become completely consumed in it that I’ll look back at old photos of myself and cry myself to sleep because “Mommy used to be hot.” Who knows..they say things change once you have your own kids and when you meet the right guy, all of that falls into place? Well,I have a long way to go before then, but when I do get there, I’m keeping hope alive. I do know some women (maybe 1 or 2) that know how to keep that balance. They are great Moms yet know how not to lose themselves and know how to keep that vibrant sexy thing that makes a woman, a woman, before she is a Mother.. I know it’s ultimately up to me to not lose myself. Here’s hoping…
I may not understand how you got to where you are in your life, but just because I’m not that stage in mine, doesn’t mean I can’t be there to support you. I’ll be there. Always will….
Not because I have to but if I am your friend and you care enough about our friendship that you want to invite me to your baby showers, and weddings, I’ll be there.

Ok, I’m lying….I’ll be there because as a friend I know I have to be, doesn’t mean I have to like it…right now anyway:) I know I’ll find the balance when I need to, but for now, I don’t find the need to trade in my beer for baby bonnets and bassinets.

dating advice,relationships

Differences Between Men and Women

 

A girlfriend of mine passed this story along to me. It is hilarious because it couldn’t be more true…This is a perfect example of how women can over-analyze conversations. I suggest reading this each time you start to let your brain make you go crazy.

Differences Between Men and Women

Here it is nicely illustrated:

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ”Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Wow, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Damn. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let’s see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90- day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a
Knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a goddamn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their……

”Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger, startled.
”Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ”Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so……” (She breaks down, sobbing.)
”What?” says Roger.
”I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. ”I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
”There’s no horse?” says Roger.
”You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
”No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
”It’s just that . . . It’s that I . . . I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
”Yes,” he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
”Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.
”What way?” says Roger.
“That way about time,” says Elaine.
”Oh,” says Roger. ”Yes.”
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
”Thank you, Roger,” she says.
”Thank you,” says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ”Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

advice,dating,relationships,sex

Words to Live By

 

If I say, ” Wow, that’s crazy” or “yeah, totally”…. I’m not listening at all.

So, tonight my boyfriend asks, “what the fuck is your problem?” I respond with “wow,crazy.”

He said, ” yeah, totally.” Now I have really screwed myself. Maybe I should start listening a little more.

Read more insightful tips from my relationship experiences in the book, Did I Really Do My Hair For This?

Buy it here!!

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French Kiss

 

In honor of the French invasion via The Oscars last night;  I wanted to share a post from one of my have blogs,   The Love Consultants.
What’s hotter to you a man who speaks French or can simply French kiss?
In the age-old battle of bigger vs. better and brains vs. brawn, score one for better and smarter. smart USA and Harris Interactive today released results from a survey  that found Americans deeply value smarts over looks and hold the belief that less, not more, is more.  The survey, which was conducted online in December among more than 2,000 Americans aged 18 and older, found that for all the talk about reality television and celebrities behaving badly, the majority of Americans (88%) — both young and old, male and female — would prefer to date a person who is intelligent and philanthropic like George Clooney or Reese Witherspoon, over someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez.
The smart USA survey also found that: 
  • Nearly 7 out of 10 (69%) Americans would prefer their spouse to speak another language than have washboard abs
  • Almost 3 in 5 (59%) Americans would rather have their partner gain 20 I.Q. points than lose 20 pounds
  • An astonishing 95% of women and 80% of men would prefer to date someone who is smart and philanthropic like Reese Witherspoon or George Clooney than someone with a pretty/handsome face like Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez 
While the last decade is often seen as a period of gluttonous consumption, McMansions, and Super-Size meals, the old adage that less is more seems to be ringing true in today’s post-recession era .  The survey found that three out of four Americans prefer to receive a present in a small package over a large one. Those who thought bigger was better tended to be young, a preference that shrinks as people get older and wiser (34% of Americans age 18-34 preferred bigger presents compared to 22% of those age 45-54 and 17% of those age 55+). 
Overall, on the subject of preferring less over more: 
  • 97% of Americans believe that at least some of the items in their household are junk (i.e., they could easily get rid of it)
  • Nearly one out of 10 (9%)  Americans believe they can part with a full half of their stuff
  • 9% of Americans believe that 51-100% of the items in their household are junk, indicating that the supposed American obsession with size and quantity is overstated 
“The fact that a majority of Americans are deeply concerned with right-sizing their lifestyles and making intelligent choices shows why smart has so much curb appeal today,” says smart USA General Manager Tracey Matura. “People are rethinking whether bigger is actually better and focusing instead on value. They’re looking at how they can cut down the clutter in their lives, whether in their choice of vehicle, home or other purchases, so they have fewer, better things rather than simply more, more, more. And smart is proof that good things do come in small packages.” 

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