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advice,did I really do my hair for this?,humor

What Happened to Having Class?

 

Lately it seems like everywhere you look, the world has become, for lack of a better term…really trashy. People become famous for bumping uglies via home video and for paying women with Daddy issues to hoover away…which is only okay when Richard Gere does it. After marital indiscretions, politicians, the leaders and presumed role models of this country proceed to dump their wives upon their diagnosis of cancer. Marriages have turned into publicity stunts lasting only 72 days then second marriages are placed in the off icing betting pool. TV shows are dedicated to depicting the lives of teen mothers. Celebrities boast about having “tiger blood,” “winning,” and all the drugs they use. When did it become okay to worship and praise those who have a lower moral standing than the rest of us do? As women, shouldn’t we be trying to be “Kate’s” instead of “Kim’s”?

I’ll admit, I’m no saint. Far from it. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all reached that moment when we’re one shot away from complete and utter obliteration. But we need to be able to resist, as appealing as it may be, making fools of ourselves. I’m not saying don’t drink. Let’s be serious, not drinking is not an option. On the other hand, being a drunken slut shouldn’t be either. “Well, I was drunk” has become the most widely over-used BS response to misbehavior to date…but let’s not kid ourselves here. Before you go out there’s always that nagging question in the back of your mind: “How far am I willing to go tonight?” You know what you’re doing. Drunk is not a reason; it’s an excuse.

Drunken misadventures aside, our reputations as classy upstanding members of society remain at stake. Our vocabulary says a lot about who we are. Question: are we guidos and guidettes? No, and we never will be. Why? I hope it’s obvious to you, or you probably shouldn’t be on this site or reading my book.

You may think I’m preaching or that this is some sort of Jehova-Witness-inspired ploy to stop everyone from having fun, but that’s not it. Gentlemen, though you may have an affinity for loose women now, one day you will want to get married and you’ll thank me then when there are still classy ladies around. If all  women were to succumb to the ideals perpetuated by MTV and Bravo, your breeding pool would no longer exist. Do you really want to deal with a bunch of disease-ridden, cigarette-smoking, disrespectful women who are mothers to three children by graduation? No. Who would you marry then? None other than the self-respecting women who currently seem to be disdained.

So ladies, let’s remember to keep our high social standing, not only on our girls nights out, but everywhere we go. Even though recently it seems like we might be faltering, remember who you are and what we stand for. No matter who you are, the things you do and say affect us all. So please, let’s try to keep it that way

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advice,dating,dating books,love,relationships,top 5,Uncategorized

5 Lies You Shouldn’t Fall For Twice

 

Perhaps I’m a cynic and wildly jaded. Feel free to disagree with everything I say and continue to naively believe every handsome “gentleman” who crosses your path, but I’ve known enough douchey boys to come to the conclusion that everything a guy ever says is a lie. Well, maybe not everything. When they tell you “I’m really not looking for a girlfriend right now” they probably mean that. But I’ve composed for you the top five most frequently used lies that you shouldn’t fall for twice. More…

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advice,dating advice,humor

How DO You Appropriately Turn Down a Guy?

 

Believe it or not, I’m only a bitch most of the time, and as previously discussed, I actually have felt bad turning guys down sometimes. After all, they already have to live their whole lives looking like that, which probably means they have low self-esteem, will get a mediocre job, and end up in a loveless marriage with bratty kids who always wonder why they can’t keep up with the Joneses.Take it from a former serial dater tat has had many a night of feeling guilty about having had the thought “Did he really think he had a shot with me?” I’ve come up with the “right way” to turn a guy down. More…

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Uncategorized

Big Boobs, Big Problems

 

Since puberty, every little girl has dreamed of having a unicorn and big tits. Unfortunately, the former does not exist and the latter exists only in a small percentage of the population. On the upside, you can still acquire them with a little bit of money (or a lot of KFC). Whether these assets are obtained naturally, financially, or through gluttony, every girl soon finds out that having big boobs isn’t all it’s cracked out to be. Although they create glorious curves and have the ability to reduce the IQ of any man, they still have their problems. Here are the biggest problems that the biggest boobs face. More…

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advice,dating,dating advice

Do You Suffer From Chronic Bitch Face?

 

    Chronic bitch face is a debilitating attribute that affects the facial muscles, causing the afflicted to look like a total and complete bitch. This crippling and socially impairing handicap deems a girl guilty of looking pissed off 80 percent of the time. Symptoms include emotionless eyes, fierce eyebrows, and an overall stern appearance. As a woman affected by chronic bitch face, I can personally attest that it is no fun and quite annoying. It’s not that I’m actually constantly angry or irritated–my face just happens to naturally look like that of a total asshole. I’m not talking about a Tyra Banks type of beautiful fierceness, I’m talking about a chronic Grumpy Cat expression. Unless I’m actively smiling or making an effort to not look like I just murdered a family of six, I look like I’m pissed at the world. It sucks, because other than that, I’m a relatively approachable person (after I’ve had my coffee, that is). You know that you also suffer from chronic bitch face if you resonate with the following situations:

More…

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Uncategorized

10 Things You Are Doing To Turn Him Off

 

Ladies, it’s that time of the year again. V-Day is coming, love is in the air, and we are more desperate than ever to find that ONE guy to watch Netflix and have lazy, “It’s been a week since I shaved but whatever” sex with. Nowadays, it’s not that hard to find a guy. With push-up bras, vodka cranberries and the whole Facebook/Instagram/Twitter world, it’s pretty damn easy to land a guy. BUT this is where we, for lack of a better expression, piss the bed. A guy starts talking to us, we have drunken hookups and then he just stops. Stops talking to us. Stops calling us. Stops texting us.

HOW DARE HE STOP TALKING TO ME?!
I’M COOL!
I’M FUN!
I’M AWESOME!
What went wrong?!
Well my lady friends, I’ll tell you. YOU’RE ANNOYING.

And take it from me, I have been that girl. I was you! I was the constantly call, text, Facebook post and text threatening that “you better answer or I will keep texting”! annoying / borderline psycho.

So, I’m going to give you some easy steps to (pretend to) be as cool as you’d like to seem. More…

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